I haven't ever really squirted before but I'm soo curious about it. When I masturbate a lot of the time I will clench my kegel muscles like I'm holding in pee and that makes my orgasms a lot stronger. When I'm trying to squirt should I be doing the opposite? Pushing that muscle like I'm trying to pee? And one question that might be really silly but this is coming out of my uretha, right? The same place I am peeing from?
Yes, push and expel!
The source of the liquid is ~up for debate~ according to Wikipedia.
for /most/ people it isn't. I don't know where you might be where fwb is a common thing or you can just casually ask a friend if they want to fuck without blowing the friendship apart, but it's definitely a special place
Okay. So sorry I’ve offended you on this friends with benefits issue. I guess I’ve watched too many episodes of Friends or Seinfeld or had my own personal experiences and a different life or something like that. Good night!
sometimes it seems in your advice like having a FWB is an easy and common thing to happen, and it's definitely not
For some people it is, for some people it isn’t. That’s why masturbation is important! And that’s not saying at all that masturbation is a back-up, because I can just about guarantee that you will learn more about yourself and your body by masturbating than you will with rando adolescent hookups.
I orgasm way too fast. I've tried various methods to try and not come so fast but nothing has been working. Within 2-3 minutes I'm done and I don't feel like going for another one afterwards.
You know, that’s a problem some people wish they have! Perspective, perspective. Although, to you, it’s annoying, understandably. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and all of that. The grass is always greener. Life is just a paradox!!
But, I would say, go slower, in every way. Spend five minutes just rubbing your nipples and thinking sexy thoughts. Spend more time touching your neck, ooh, that feels good. When you finally make your way past your soft and smooth sides and after you’ve caressed your inner thighs for a few glorious moments, spend some time massaging your vulva. Don’t go right to your clit, just feel your nice soft labia, tease the opening of your vagina, feel yourself in a way you, perhaps, you have never before. Then when you finally work your way to your clit, don’t rub it quickly, just softly stroke it, back and forth, around and around, unit you can begin to feel your orgasm build. Instead of rushing to the end, feel, own and enjoy that build. Just take it slow and be purposeful. Connect. Renew. Faith. Welcome. Joy. Laugh. Water. Plant. Pencil. Fork. Lasagna. Ah. You are whole. You have cum. Seventy four hours have passed and you have seventeen voicemails from your boss asking why you’ve missed three shifts.
I'm not a virgin but I've only had sex once, and it's been a while and now I'm scared to do it again! I feel as though it will be awkward and that i'll be rubbish. like i don't really know what to do during sex??? help?
Well to make sure it’s not awkward, first make sure that your next sexual partner is someone you trust and want to have sex with! Everyone can feel insecure, but you’re probably not rubbish, you’re just nervous, which is totally normal! This is when having a Doing It Partner you like and trust is going to come in handy: he or she or they or them with laugh and experiment with you to find out what works best, and he or she or they or them will assure you that you’re not rubbish and he or she or they or them will probably worried about being rubbish too, and you’ll be like, “Are you kidding? This is so non-awkward and so consensual and sexy and fun! Let’s do this all the time!”
So I bought some lube, because I want to have vagina fun and I'm too tight for anything so far. But when I apply it, it BURNS. It's water based and doesn't have any red flag stuff in it. What's wrong? Should I get something else? Is there live for the super sensitive vag? Thanks
If it burns or hurts in any way, stop using it! It sounds like you’re allergic to one of the ingredients in your lube, so I would suggest going to your local sex-positive feminist toy store and talking with one of the nice workers about which lube has the least chemicals and is the best for super sensitive vags. If you’re still having problems, the next step if you’re gynecologist!
Why can't I enjoy sex for more than a few minutes before feeling awkward I feel disconnected when with a partner and especially When I am alone I can't seen to have an orgasm no matter what I do
Sex can we weird! Make sure you’re Doing It with some you like and trust and want to be having sex with. When you’re alone, make sure you’re in the mood and go out of the way to make your self more comfortable. Play your favorite album, buy a special candle to light…make it special and not a chore. If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?
i've noticed recently that the buildup/moments before my orgasm are more pleasurable than my actual orgasm; i'm assuming because of the pressure. is this normal and can it happen to any other girls?
Normal! Why not try to recapture that build up a couple times before you do orgasm. Touch yourself until you almost get there…and then stop. Wait a moment and repeat. Do this as many times as you can stand, and then finally masturbate to orgasm. That should intensify your final release!
So recently because of severe dysmenorrhea I've tried a new type of birthcontrol and now I have insane sexual urges all the time no matter where I am and it's the most annoying thing what am I supposed to do when I get these urges.
Find the nearest bathroom or storage closet?
JK! (Unless you’re in a situation where that’s possible!)
But for the 97% of the time when that won’t be possible, I guess you just need to try to refocus your attention and wait until you get home. Perhaps discuss these extreme side effects with your doctor, and see if she needs to readjust or dosage or if there’s something else she can prescribe.
Take the press off yourself to orgasm every time! Nothing is less sexy than being frustrated and feeling like you failed yourself in some way. Touching yourself is fun, orgasm or not! Slow down and appreciate your body, and the orgasms will cum in time.
Okay so, I've tried masturbating (Inserting fingers and rubbing my clit) but I still haven't been able to orgasm. I haven't tried a vibrator yet, which I will soon. But anyway, I've orgasmed in my sleep though, is that normal? I had a dream about someone eating me out etc then I woke up and my vaginal muscles were contracting and I felt AMAZING. Is that normal?
Normal! Now, take that same fantasy and focus on it while you’re awake and touch yourself again. See if that brings on your waking orgasm!
What are some other types of masturbation? I'm 22 and well, I don't quite get off on manual stimulation as I used to. I mean even before it didn't quite produce mind blowing orgasms, but now when I do it I just feel unsatisfied and kind of "That was it?". I'll be honest, and this is sad, but I probably don't know how to properly touch myself (i.e., what I like and don't like). Kind of in a Christian household. So, yeah. Also I've never penetrated myself. Any advice for it good or even better? :)
Why don’t you go on an exploratory mission to find out what you do like! Take some time when you’re guaranteed privacy (this may mean setting your alarm for 2 AM!) and go into the recesses of the Internet (or your imagination, or your favorite NC-17 art film (I can provide suggestions here)) and find some erotica or porn that super turns your on.
Or, if you don’t want to go the porn (or art house!) route just start with the most important person: you! Run a bath, light a candle, play soft music. Relax! Look at your body in the mirror, all of it. Touch, feel, rub yourself up, or oil yourself down, with nice lotions. Just let your mind and hands wander!
It can feel weird or even embarrassing at first to only think about yourself, and to think of yourself in a sexual way, but once you find what you like, and how good it feels, you’ll get over it. Have fun!
hey, so i was masturbating last night- and my clit is already very sensitve to the point it can be quite painful if i rub too much- but my whole area just felt really painful- i'd masturbated a couple times before in the day but it just felt really painful that time, is something wrong??
Nothing’s wrong, you’re just a little worn out! Same way your legs are tired later in the day after your 8 AM work out. Let your clit rest up and visit her again tomorrow.
I've never had a orgasm and I've tried every method there is except for fingering. I've been so close to fingering myself but I either get nervous, can't really find where my vagina is, my fingernails are in the way, aren't wet enough, or it kind of hurts. I'm a virgin but I don't think that has anything to do with it. I get really frustrated and sometimes have nervous breakdown because it's a goal of mine. Any tips?
Cut your nails, get a mirror and take a look around! Check out some diagrams to know what you’re looking for! Get some lube, get aroused, take your time, and dive on in, finger-first.
Hi I'm a 17-year-old girl and I've masturbated before but I always have on clothes and never know if I have hit the giant O. I've humped my pillow and my hand before and I always have a tightening feeling right below my belly button. I have know idea what to do with my nipples and penetration scares me, even in the tub. Is there something wrong with me? I want to make sure that when I have sex for the first time, I can "wet" myself up before the boy slips in. Please help! 😞💔😕
There’s nothing wrong! Just take it slow and go one step at a time. Once you feel that tightening, just keep going until you feel a release along with it.
Can you describe what female ejeculation (the liquid itself) looks like, smells like, and the consistency. I think I mightve done it but I'm not sure? (Btw I love your blog its answered so many questions Ive had about masterbation)
Pretty much, clear, very water-y, and no smell! You’ll just have to do it again to double check :)
Can you tell me how to have multiple orgasms? I've tried but have yet to succeed...
When you orgasm the first time, don’t move your hands! Slow down a little, but retain contact. Then when your orgasm begins to fade, start your favorite stimulations again! And repeat for as long as you can!
Some clits are just too sensitive to be touching right after orgasm, and that’s cool too! You’ll just need to wait a little longer, but continue your fantasy or touch another part of yourself to remain in the mood and turned on.
OK so i need some advice. I brought a dildo that was to big for me by mistake. I can't return it, but i did get my money back. I really don't want to throw it away because it is nice. Could you give me some advice on how to use bigger toys.
Coffee table conversation piece? Book end? Christmas tree topper? Sorry.
You could block out a lovely day to spend masturbating, warming up and lubing up and trying again to see if it really is Too Big. But ya know, sometimes, it just is.
Perhaps try a humping action over your lubed up dildo, or just rubbing it against your clit and vulva.
Or, I was once told by a Babeland employee that you could boil a silicone toy and it would be so clean that you could give it to your best friend. So there’s that, too!
when u have sex and the guy's penis is maybe 6-7 inches or so would it hit your cervix because I can feel mine with a Finger! What happens if it does? Will it hurt? Will that be as far as he can go in?
Don’t worry — your vagina takes care of you, just like you take care of it. When aroused, your vagina can elongate to up to twice its size! So make sure you and your partner engage in plenty of foreplay so that you and your vagina are super aroused and elongated to accommodate those six or seven inches.
I need help! I bought a vibrator and it feels great when I use it, but I can never climax. I have to get myself off while pillow humping and it isn't very satisfying. Am I doing something wrong? I'm very frustrated.
Try not to be frustrated! That in and of itself can be the problem. (Easier said than done, of course.) Maybe try things the opposite way…pillow hump to get started and then switch to your vibrator to try to finish.
I'm really confused as to if I have ever had an orgasm. I'm a virgin, but discovered pillow humping and grinding to my blankets a while ago, so I do masturbate. But it's never "mind blowing" or "body shaking" at the end. It does feel good, obviously. But I'm not sure if what I feel is an orgasm. What do you think? Thank you for all your help!
It’s hard for me to judge, because you are the only one feeling these things! Movies paint an unrealistic expectation of what orgasms are, unfortunately. And all orgasms are different! Some are big and bold, others are timid and shy. Generally, it’s a build up and release of pressure and some contractions of the vagina muscles along with “waves of pleasure” through the rest of the body. But what does that all really mean?? How can we really describe it?? It’s up for each individual person to define and identify their own orgasms.
So if you feel like you’ve experienced something in that vain, vary the intensity of your masturbating techniques to start adjusting the volume of your orgasms!
So I've been masturbating for just over a year now, and almost every time I do it I get awful leg cramps. I haven't found anything that helps (pillows, different positions, etc.), and I was wondering if you'd have any suggestions?
Short of preemptively wrapping your legs in heat compresses, I’m not sure! Anyone have any ideas?
Okay.. I want to get rid of my public hair, but it seems so complicated to do.. Because I'm considering using a hair removal cream, but then I've read that you can get chemical burns.. And if you shave, you can cut yourself or the hair might start growing in the wrong way.. So I don't know what to use, do you have any advice? What's easiest and best to use?
Of course, you should first ask yourself why you want to remove your pubic hair in the first place! If you feel it’s on your own terms and not because of pressure from any other source (including sex partners) then let’s get started!
Don’t use any cream type thing unless it specifically says it’s for your “bikini area”, or a similar euphemism. Shaving can be time consuming, but it’s the easiest method. Do a Google search for some good tips, and set aside a good chunk of time to do it.
If your super serious about going smooth down there, your best bet would be going to a wax salon. You’ll get the smoothest and longest lasting results, and the money will be worth it.
I just watched a sexy video and my pussy is throbbing and it hurts and feels like it needs to be touched so much why is it like that I can't masturbate it makes me too guilty how can I calm my pussy without getting off??
Help, I think I am too tight. When I masturbate I can barely feel good by inserting a finger in and when I am on my period tampon hurt and I am sure I put it in right. What can I do to make "penetration" feel better. I am so scared that I am to tight that even the smallest dicks won't be able to get in. Please give me some advice??? PS love the blog
Don’t be scared! Time + lube = successful penetration.
I can never orgasm through just penetration, I always have to have clitoral stimulation. This means I can never come when having sex. How can I change this and have a penetrative orgasm?
Yo, slow your roll! That’s not really true at all, because sex is a lot more than just some rando person repeatedly sticking an appendage in you until they cum! Sex is an experience, and your clit has a ticket to the show, so make sure it gets its money’s worth! (That is a confusing metaphor and I’m not implying anyone involved in your sexual scenario is a prostitute. But I’m not thinking of another one.) Either you or your partner can touch your clit during penetration, or penetration doesn’t even have to happen at all. Cum the way you can, and insist upon it.
me and my boyfriend have been dating for a little over 3 months and he fingered me and ate me out the other day and in the pit of my stomach I felt this like balloon of pleasure getting bigger and bigger and all of a sudden the balloon popped and I felt like I had to pee and scream at the top of my lungs and I'm not sure if that was an vaginal orgasm or not helllllppp
An orgasm is a lot of the building up and release of pressure, so that could certainly be what your balloon was! I would suggest masturbating (duh) so you can re-capture and examine that feeling further!
Hey, I am a 14 year old female, (currently single, not expecting to loose my v for at least 2 more years, and I've only ever kissed one guy) Anyways, I have a high sex drive I guess and I masturbate a lot (yeah, and a lot of my friends think I'm completely innocent, even though they have never had boyfriends) but I can NEVER climax, and I try fingering and pillows... I can't really get a vibrator bc I wouldn't ask my parents or get it online, so any advice on methods or things I can use? Thanks!
I’ve only ever kissed before…
But I think a lot of people who have trouble climaxing just need to stop putting so much pressure on themselves! Stress does not compliment pleasure, so although it can be hard, just relax and enjoy! Find something that turns you on, try all different “techniques”, and remember: practice makes perfect!
Okay so when i masturbate i do a lot of clit stimulation with water or vibrations (fingering doesn't do much for me it doesn't feel bad just not that good) but every time i feel close i get too sensitive and if i keep going it feels uncomfortable and a little painful which turns me off but if i try and do less i lose the feeling completely. I am so beyond frustrated do you have any suggestions?
Direct clit stimulation can just be too much for people! Aim for the area right above or around your clit! You can do this the whole time, or switch to that when it starts to get uncomfortable.
So I'm 21 years old and I have the hardest time making myself orgasm. This has been a huge problem lately because my boyfriend has been away for weeks and I am unable to pleasure myself. It's frustrating because he's always telling me that he just masturbated to pictures of me, but I have videos and pictures of him as well and I can't seem to get myself to climax. Any tips for successful female masturbation resulting in orgasm?
Relax and don’t put too much pressure on yourself! Make you’re super turned on before you start touching yourself, and try new techniques or a vibrator!