Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Anonymous said: I orgasm way too fast. I've tried various methods to try and not come so fast but nothing has been working. Within 2-3 minutes I'm done and I don't feel like going for another one afterwards.

You know, that’s a problem some people wish they have! Perspective, perspective. Although, to you, it’s annoying, understandably. Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and all of that. The grass is always greener. Life is just a paradox!!

But, I would say, go slower, in every way. Spend five minutes just rubbing your nipples and thinking sexy thoughts. Spend more time touching your neck, ooh, that feels good. When you finally make your way past your soft and smooth sides and after you’ve caressed your inner thighs for a few glorious moments, spend some time massaging your vulva. Don’t go right to your clit, just feel your nice soft labia, tease the opening of your vagina, feel yourself in a way you, perhaps, you have never before. Then when you finally work your way to your clit, don’t rub it quickly, just softly stroke it, back and forth, around and around, unit you can begin to feel your orgasm build. Instead of rushing to the end, feel, own and enjoy that build. Just take it slow and be purposeful. Connect. Renew. Faith. Welcome. Joy. Laugh. Water. Plant. Pencil. Fork. Lasagna. Ah. You are whole. You have cum. Seventy four hours have passed and you have seventeen voicemails from your boss asking why you’ve missed three shifts.

Namaste. 

Anonymous said: I'm not a virgin but I've only had sex once, and it's been a while and now I'm scared to do it again! I feel as though it will be awkward and that i'll be rubbish. like i don't really know what to do during sex??? help?

Well to make sure it’s not awkward, first make sure that your next sexual partner is someone you trust and want to have sex with! Everyone can feel insecure, but you’re probably not rubbish, you’re just nervous, which is totally normal! This is when having a Doing It Partner you like and trust is going to come in handy: he or she or they or them with laugh and experiment with you to find out what works best, and he or she or they or them will assure you that you’re not rubbish and he or she or they or them will probably worried about being rubbish too, and you’ll be like, “Are you kidding? This is so non-awkward and so consensual and sexy and fun! Let’s do this all the time!” 

So I really wouldn’t worry about it! 

Anonymous said: So I bought some lube, because I want to have vagina fun and I'm too tight for anything so far. But when I apply it, it BURNS. It's water based and doesn't have any red flag stuff in it. What's wrong? Should I get something else? Is there live for the super sensitive vag? Thanks

If it burns or hurts in any way, stop using it! It sounds like you’re allergic to one of the ingredients in your lube, so I would suggest going to your local sex-positive feminist toy store and talking with one of the nice workers about which lube has the least chemicals and is the best for super sensitive vags. If you’re still having problems, the next step if you’re gynecologist! 

Anonymous said: Why can't I enjoy sex for more than a few minutes before feeling awkward I feel disconnected when with a partner and especially When I am alone I can't seen to have an orgasm no matter what I do

Sex can we weird! Make sure you’re Doing It with some you like and trust and want to be having sex with. When you’re alone, make sure you’re in the mood and go out of the way to make your self more comfortable. Play your favorite album, buy a special candle to light…make it special and not a chore. If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?

Anonymous said: i've noticed recently that the buildup/moments before my orgasm are more pleasurable than my actual orgasm; i'm assuming because of the pressure. is this normal and can it happen to any other girls?

Normal! Why not try to recapture that build up a couple times before you do orgasm. Touch yourself until you almost get there…and then stop. Wait a moment and repeat. Do this as many times as you can stand, and then finally masturbate to orgasm. That should intensify your final release!

Anonymous said: So recently because of severe dysmenorrhea I've tried a new type of birthcontrol and now I have insane sexual urges all the time no matter where I am and it's the most annoying thing what am I supposed to do when I get these urges.

Find the nearest bathroom or storage closet?

JK! (Unless you’re in a situation where that’s possible!)

But for the 97% of the time when that won’t be possible, I guess you just need to try to refocus your attention and wait until you get home. Perhaps discuss these extreme side effects with your doctor, and see if she needs to readjust or dosage or if there’s something else she can prescribe.

Anonymous said: Nothing gets me off. Nothing. :(

Take the press off yourself to orgasm every time! Nothing is less sexy than being frustrated and feeling like you failed yourself in some way. Touching yourself is fun, orgasm or not! Slow down and appreciate your body, and the orgasms will cum in time.

Anonymous said: Okay so, I've tried masturbating (Inserting fingers and rubbing my clit) but I still haven't been able to orgasm. I haven't tried a vibrator yet, which I will soon. But anyway, I've orgasmed in my sleep though, is that normal? I had a dream about someone eating me out etc then I woke up and my vaginal muscles were contracting and I felt AMAZING. Is that normal?

Normal! Now, take that same fantasy and focus on it while you’re awake and touch yourself again. See if that brings on your waking orgasm!

Anonymous said: What are some other types of masturbation? I'm 22 and well, I don't quite get off on manual stimulation as I used to. I mean even before it didn't quite produce mind blowing orgasms, but now when I do it I just feel unsatisfied and kind of "That was it?". I'll be honest, and this is sad, but I probably don't know how to properly touch myself (i.e., what I like and don't like). Kind of in a Christian household. So, yeah. Also I've never penetrated myself. Any advice for it good or even better? :)

Why don’t you go on an exploratory mission to find out what you do like! Take some time when you’re guaranteed privacy (this may mean setting your alarm for 2 AM!) and go into the recesses of the Internet (or your imagination, or your favorite NC-17 art film (I can provide suggestions here)) and find some erotica or porn that super turns your on. 

Or, if you don’t want to go the porn (or art house!) route just start with the most important person: you! Run a bath, light a candle, play soft music. Relax! Look at your body in the mirror, all of it. Touch, feel, rub yourself up, or oil yourself down, with nice lotions. Just let your mind and hands wander! 

It can feel weird or even embarrassing at first to only think about yourself, and to think of yourself in a sexual way, but once you find what you like, and how good it feels, you’ll get over it. Have fun!

Anonymous said: hey, so i was masturbating last night- and my clit is already very sensitve to the point it can be quite painful if i rub too much- but my whole area just felt really painful- i'd masturbated a couple times before in the day but it just felt really painful that time, is something wrong??

Nothing’s wrong, you’re just a little worn out! Same way your legs are tired later in the day after your 8 AM work out. Let your clit rest up and visit her again tomorrow.